Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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