How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
