Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just had sex bonerless
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
