She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
