It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
