Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was like eating out sand paper
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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