he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i've created a new STD.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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