You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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