I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
