i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
