just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
