Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
