he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
