I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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