how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
