I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
