can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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