I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
