somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
