he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
