so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
