dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
