i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
