apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Boobs speak an international language.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
