Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That accounts for only three of the penises
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize