She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
