Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
