He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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