So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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