fuck your aforementioned shoe
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
