So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
