I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
