I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
