Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found your dick twin last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
