We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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