I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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