If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
