Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
two words: eviction party
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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