Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
