My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize