Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
