the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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