i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
