My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
