We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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