it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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