Little spoons don't ask big questions
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
