I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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