Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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