people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
