Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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