I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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