I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
