yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
