the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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