so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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