College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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