new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
