I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
