Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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