i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
