I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
