So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
