nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
