Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
