my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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