i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
