moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
