i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw