moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor