One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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