you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask