Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?