Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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