I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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