yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
