I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
