Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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