If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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